Psychological and Emotional Abuse 

• Making you feel humiliated and worthless, through name-calling, humiliating you in front of others, questioning your opinions in a way that make you feel stupid, refusing to listen to your thoughts and opinions, or making your needs or feelings seem unimportant
• Getting angry in a way that intimidates you
• Threatening to hurt others or pets whom you care about
• Threatening to harm themselves if you do not do or act in a way that they want you to
• Questioning your memory of things that have happened and denying that they happened in the way that you said
• Deciding what you wear, eat, do etc (including the need to ask for permission before doing anything)
• Punishes you by withholding affection
• Isolation. Examples include: 

1. Preventing or discouraging you from seeing your friends or family, and making you feel guilty when you do (via tactics such as acting jealous and accusing you of cheating or not caring enough about them)
2. Wanting to know all that you are doing all the time and maintain constant contact with them about your movements and activities
3. Needing to ask for permission from the perpetrator before spending time with others

Physical

• Hitting (with hand or object), slapping, beating, kicking, choking, punching, pushing, pulling hair, stabbing, shooting, drowning
• Physically restraining you against your will
• Threatening to physically assault you
• Withholding or rationing of physical needs (food, water, sleep, transportation, help if sick or injured)
• Locking you in a room or residence, or holding you hostage
• Destroying property, or throwing things when angry
• Abandons you in an unfamiliar or dangerous place

Sexual 

• Using force, threats, manipulation or guilt to initiate physical intimacy, have sexual intercourse with you, or make you do certain sexual activities or with other people that you do not want
• Exploiting you when you are unable to make an informed decision about or consent to sexual activity, e.g., when you are intoxicated, drugged, asleep, or dependent upon or afraid of the perpetrator. Another instance includes incapacitated persons who do not have the mental capacity to consent to sexual activity
• Withholding sex from you as a control mechanism
• Insults you with sexual names
• Coerces you to dress in a sexual way that is unwanted for you
• Intentionally giving you a sexually-transmitted infection, or attempting to do so

Economic

• Exploiting your finances and income sources. Examples include:

1. Blocking or limiting access to bank accounts
2. Expecting you to make all payments or pay for your own needs
3. Borrowing your money without repaying
4. Taking charge of budget and financial decisions without consulting with you or without your consent
5. Accessing your bank statements, credit cards or assets without permission
6. Stealing your identity, property, or inheritance

• Depriving you of your finances and source of income. Examples include:

1. Not allowing you to work
2. Sabotaging your employment (e.g., by harassing you at your workplace or disrupting your ability to go to work) or career development opportunities (e.g., by not allowing you to attend trainings or courses)
3. Criticising your career choices

• Exhibiting controlling behaviour over your finances. Examples include:

1. Refusing to cooperate on or contribute to financial decisions (and/or childcare), including to work
2. Forcing you to file false insurance or tax claims, or sign financial documents without providing any or clear explanations
3. Controlling how the money is spent, including withholding or giving you an ‘allowance’
4. Forcing you to share your income with them, but themselves refusing to do so
5. Excluding you from banking or investment decisions
6. Criticising you on all your financial decisions

Stalking

• Persistent unwanted or harassing calls, messages and social media communications
• Watching or following you from a distance, on foot or via transport
• Spying on you using devices such as cameras, GPS locations or listening devices
• Spreading rumours about you
• Appearing in the spaces that you are in (e.g., workplace, school, other public and social spaces) and in a way that is unwanted for you
• Destroying or vandalising your property to intimidate you
• Leaving unwanted gifts, or threatening items at your doorstep or workplace

Online

• Monitoring your phone records, emails or social media activity
• Using smart home technology to track your movements and communications with others
• Sending you insulting or threatening emails, written or audio messages
• Coercing you to share unwanted humiliating photos or messages with them
• Controlling who you can and cannot follow, or be friends with, on social media
• Stealing or forcing you to give them passwords to your online accounts (email, social media etc)
• Sharing your photos or personal information with others online without your consent
• Creating fake social media profiles, or sending messages in your name or profile image, to isolate or humiliate you

Sources:

1. https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse
2. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/
3. https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/emotional-and-psychological-abuse
4. https://www.acesdv.org/domestic-violence-graphics/types-of-abuse/
5. https://mypf.my/2020/04/08/recognizing-financial-abuse-in-relationships/#What_Can_A_Victim_of_Financial_Abuse_Do
6. https://nnedv.org/content/about-financial-abuse/ 

“Why so bossy/air out dirty laundry? This one private family matter, husband and wife should settle themselves what.”

• Domestic violence is a social issue. On one hand, it violates the human rights of the survivors involved, be it adults and/or children. Examples include the right to security of person, non-subjection to inhuman or degrading treatment, freedom of movement, property ownership, choice of employment and adequate standard of living. Non-interference in the private sphere would also impede survivors from seeking help, thus perpetuating the vicious cycle of abuse and corresponding rights violations.
• On a wider level, violation of these individual rights incur societal costs. The physical and psychological trauma inflicted would not only lead to costs for hospital treatment, therapy and medication, but also impede these survivors from productively contributing to society through education and employment.

“Aiyo, forgive the person lah. They just temporarily lost control only.”

• Domestic violence is not about losing, but about taking and maintaining control. Domestic violence does not manifest in only bursts of anger – perpetrators consciously decide when to abuse survivors, and they do so in subtle ways such as threats or other means. Please refer to ‘What Are The Different Types of Domestic Violence?’ section above for more information on the tactics (e.g., psychological, online, financial) that perpetrators use over survivors.

“Eh, all couples argue, what’s the big deal? Domestic violence only about beating what.” 

• Domestic violence is not always physical, and it consists of a pattern of coercive, controlling and violent behaviours. These behaviours can include psychological and/or emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, stalking, and online abuse. For more information on these types of abuse, please refer to the ‘What Are The Different Types of Domestic Violence?’ section above. 

“Violence only happens when the person gets drunk/high on drugs.”

• Alcohol or drugs can be a contributing factor to violence, but they are not the cause. On the other hand, many individuals do not abuse their partners, despite having consumed alcohol or drugs. Thus, the perpetrator alone is responsible for their behaviour, not alcohol or drugs.

“For sure the abuser must have been abused when they were younger or they are mentally unwell.” 

• Whilst many may have grown up witnessing domestic violence, most of them do not perpetrate this in their intimate relationships with others. As for the link between mental illness and propensity for domestic violence, there is no research that supports this myth. Domestic violence can be perpetrated by anyone, regardless of health status and experience of abuse.  

“Since when domestic violence happen among rich people? Such thing only happen among poor and uneducated people lah.”

• Domestic violence does not discriminate between socioeconomic backgrounds or career status. Abused women of lower socioeconomic status tend to be more visible, as they have fewer resources to conceal the violence and need to turn to public institutions, such as legal aid, the police and government hospitals, for help.
  

“Victims can just leave what. If they don’t leave, means everything’s fine lah.” 

• This is not true. Like any relationship, even one that ends in abuse began with falling in love. The survivor may still be in love with the abusive partner – thus, when the perpetrator tells the survivor that it would not happen again, the survivor would believe what they say.
• There are also important factors that make it difficult to leave an abusive relationship, such as fear for personal (and children’s) safety due to threats by the perpetrator, lack of financial independence, lack of external support due to isolation from others, feelings of shame and emotional dependence due to the perpetrator’s tactics of manipulation.

“What are you talking about? Of course the guy has the right to control his wife what – he’s the head of household mah.” 

• This is based on the patriarchal belief that men have the right to punish their partners for acting in ways that they do not approve of, which reinforces women’s inferiority to men and the belief that women’s rights, needs and voices are not to be respected. Women have the right to make their own decisions in all areas of life, and have an equal right to shared decision-making in marital and family matters.
• Furthermore, this myth relieves the perpetrators of responsibility for their actions and shifts them to the survivors instead, because it is perceived to be the ‘survivor’s fault’ for ‘provoking’ their partners. Abuse or violence is never the survivor’s fault.

Disclaimer: Please note that this list is non-exhaustive.

On the Survivor

• Physical injuries, disability, or death
• Psychological effects:

1. Shame, embarrassment
2. Fear and feelings of being unsafe, which can affect trust of others
3. Self-blame, guilt and humiliation
4. Sense of helplessness
5. Emotional detachment
6. Reduced self-esteem, self-worth or confidence
7. Serious mental health issues such as depression; anxiety; post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); self-harm; suicidal ideation; attempted or completed suicide; dysfunctional behavioural patterns in an attempt to cope with the trauma such as alcoholism, addiction etc
8. Social and emotional isolation from loved ones

• Sexual dysfunction; gynaecological problems
  Work-related effects:

1. Absenteeism
2. Decline in work performance
3. Job loss

• Debt and poor credit due to financial exploitation and control by perpetrator
• High out-of-pocket costs for medical treatment, psychological therapy, legal services, replacement of damage property, childcare etc
• Homelessness

On Children and Young People

• Emotional distress
• Fear and feelings of being unsafe
• Self-blame and guilt for the violence
• Eating and sleeping disturbances
• Aggression towards friends and other loved ones
• Serious mental health issues such as depression; anxiety; eating disorders; self-harm; attempted or completed suicide; phobias
• Concentration and performance at school affected
• Engage in risk-taking behaviours
• Have trouble forming positive relationships of trust with others
• Homelessness

Sources:

• https://iwpr.org/iwpr-general/the-economic-cost-of-intimate-partner-violence-sexual-assault-and-stalking/
• https://www.facs.nsw.gov.au/domestic-violence/about/effects-of-dv
• https://www.acesdv.org/domestic-violence-graphics/impact-on-survivors/
• https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/effects-domestic-violence-children

Currently, our laws address sexual harassment in a piecemeal fashion:

Penal Code 

• Section 354

• • Assault or use of criminal force with the intent to outrage the person’s modesty
  • Imprisonment for a maximum of ten years or fine or whipping, or any two of such punishments

• Section 355

• • Assault or use of criminal force with the intent to dishonour a person, otherwise than on grave provocation
  • Imprisonment for a maximum of two years or fine, or both

• Section 377D

• • Outrages on decency – commission (actual or attempted), or abetment
  • Imprisonment for a maximum of two years

• Section 509 

• • Word or gesture that is intended to insult the person’s modesty
  • Imprisonment for a maximum of five years or fine, or both

Current gaps: 

• High burden of proof. The judge needs to have beyond reasonable doubt that the case is of sexual harassment.
• Expensive litigation fees and not every survivor has the financial means to appoint a solicitor  
•  

Employment Act 1955 (Sexual harassment was included since 2012)

• Section 2 

• • Definition of workplace sexual harassment

• Section 81A-81G, Part XVA 

• • An employer’s obligation to inquire into sexual harassment complaints and allegations, as well as conditions for refusal to conduct inquiries   
  • Action that can be taken against the alleged perpetrator (employer or employee), if the allegation  is proven 
  • Procedures and effects of decision(s) may be referred to the Director General of Labour 

Current gaps:

• Legislative coverage is only limited to individuals in employer-employee relationships, and employment contexts. 
• Substantial leeway is given to employers in investigations of complaints and determination of investigation outcome. On the other hand, there are no specific clauses on protection or compensation for the complainant (generally, internal policies shall be made by the HR department). 
• The Employment Act 1955 is only applicable in the Peninsular. Sabah and Sarawak have their respective Employment Ordinances. 

Industrial Relations Act 1967 

• Section 20 

• • Representations for reinstatement or compensation through the Industrial Relations Department for unfair dismissal or job resignation due to sexual harassment, if it is proven to be unjust 

Code of Practice on the Prevention and Eradication of Sexual Harassment in the Workplace (1999)

• Definition of sexual harassment 
• Forms of sexual harassment (i.e., verbal, gestural, visual, psychological, physical)
• Recommendation to employers to set up in-house mechanisms to combat sexual harassment in the workplace, specifically: 

• • Policy statement prohibiting sexual harassment in the organisation
  • A clear definition of sexual harassment 
  • Disciplinary rules and penalties against the perpetrator and those who make false accusations
  • Complaint mechanisms
  • Protective and remedial measures for the survivor 
  • Educational programmes to raise awareness of sexual harassment among all organisational members

• Involvement of and collaboration with trade unions to promote acceptance and compliance of employees with in-house organisational sexual harassment mechanisms 

Current gaps:

• This is only a guideline and organisations are not mandated to set up in-house mechanisms to prevent and address sexual harassment.
• This guideline applies to employment contexts only. 

Public Service Department Circular (updated as of 2018)

• Categories of sexual harassment (i.e., attempts to get close to someone sexually, asking for sexual favours, sexual harassment that is threatening, sexual harassment that is insulting or offensive)
• Forms of sexual harassment (i.e., verbal, gestural, visual, psychological, physical)
• Actions that can be taken by the complainant, Integrity Unit, Head of Department and the counsellor/psychologist
• Effects of sexual harassment
• Implementation of preventive programmes on sexual harassment

Current gaps:

• Though comprehensive, this circular is only for the workplace in the public sector and does not cover sexual harassment in the private sector 

Communications & Multimedia Act 1998

• Section 233 

• • Soliciting and sharing obscene content
  • Coverage of online sexual harassment. Example: “by means of any networks facilities or network service or applications service knowingly (i) makes, creates or solicits; and (ii) initiates the transmission of, any comment, request, suggestion or other communication which is obscene, indecent, false, menacing or offensive in character with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten or harass another person”

Current gaps:

• Vague and unclear definition of the term “obscene”
• No specific guidelines pertaining to sexual harassment in the Communication and Multimedia Act 1998 — it can be used to address threats, as well as abusive and offensive language and conduct online.

According to the Domestic Violence Act (DVA), domestic violence is defined as the commission of one or more of the following acts:

• Intentionally placing, or attempting to place, the survivor in fear of physical injury
• Causing physical injury to the survivor
• Forcing the survivor (by force or threats) to engage in any conduct or act from which the survivor has a right to abstain
• Confining or detaining the survivor against their will
• Causing mischief or destruction or damage to property, with the intention or knowledge that it can cause distress or annoyance to the survivor
• Dishonestly misappropriating the survivor’s property, of which financial loss causes distress to the survivor
• Threatening the survivor, with the intention of causing the survivor to fear for their own safety, property or of a third person, or to suffer distress
• Communicating via any means with the survivor, or about the survivor to a third person, with the intention of insulting the survivor’s modesty
• Causing psychological abuse, including emotional injury, to the survivor
• Causing the survivor to suffer delusions via use of intoxicating or other substance without the survivor’s consent or consent that is unlawfully obtained
• In the case where the survivor is a child, causing the survivor to suffer delusions via use of any intoxicating or other substance

The DVA covers spouses, former spouses, children, family members, and incapacitated adults who live as members of the family. De facto spouses are covered, i.e., those who went through religious or customary marriage ceremonies but did not register.

• Family members include adult sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and also any other relative that is regarded by the court as family members in light of the family’s circumstances.

The DVA does not cover non-married partners.

• The EPO is issued by the Social Welfare Department (JKM). The EPO can be immediately obtained, within 2 hours after the application is made.
• The EPO may contain one or more of the following orders:

1. Prohibiting the alleged perpetrator from putting the survivor in fear of physical injury or causing them physical injury
2. Prohibiting the alleged perpetrator from inciting a third person to put the survivor in fear of physical injury or cause them physical injury
3. Prohibiting the alleged perpetrator from entering the survivor’s safe place, shelter, place of residence, shared residence or alternative residence

• An EPO is valid for one week. A copy of the EPO will be served on the alleged perpetrator by the police within 12 hours of receival of a copy of the EPO from JKM.

You can apply for the EPO at any time, without a police report, Interim Protection Order (IPO) or Protection Order (PO). You can either call the 24-hour Talian Kasih (15999), or visit your nearest JKM office. If you are lodging a physical application at the JKM office, bring your original MyKad (NRIC) with you.

• The IPO is a temporary court order that prohibits the alleged perpetrator from committing domestic violence against the survivor. A provision prohibiting the alleged perpetrator from inciting a third person to commit domestic violence against the survivor may also be included.
• The IPO may also contain one or more of the following orders:

1. Granting the survivor the right to exclusive occupation of the shared residence by excluding the perpetrator from it. This applies regardless of the ownership or lease status of the residence;
2. Prohibiting or restraining the perpetrator from:
   (1) Entering the survivor’s safe place, shelter, place of residence, shared residence or alternative residence; (2) Entering the survivor’s workplace or school; (3) Entering any other institution where the survivor is placed; (4) Going near the survivor at a distance of at least 50 metres or at a distance the court deems to be reasonable, or (5) Making personal contact with the survivor other than in the presence of an enforcement person or other persons specified in the order
3. Requiring the alleged perpetrator to permit the survivor to enter the shared residence, or to do so accompanied by an enforcement officer for the purpose of collecting the survivor’s personal belongings;
4. Requiring the alleged perpetrator to avoid communicating by any means with the survivor, and specifying the limited circumstances in which such communication is allowed;
5. Requiring the alleged perpetrator to permit the survivor to have continued use of a vehicle that has previously been ordinarily used by the survivor; and
6. The giving of any such direction as is necessary for the proper implementation of any of the orders mentioned above

• The IPO will cease to be valid upon completion of police investigations or when the case is charged in court. The IPO will expire within a week, upon your receival of a written notification from the police that your case has been charged in court.

• As you file a police report, you can inform the police officer you would like to apply for an IPO. You can include the names of your children and/or other family members in the IPO. A referral letter will be issued to you, stating the commencement of police investigations.
• Bring this referral letter to the Social Welfare Department (JKM), along with your NRIC (MyKad), proof of marriage (Marriage Certificate or Sijil Nikah), children’s birth certificates/MyKad (NRIC), and government-issued medical report (if any). Inform the Welfare Officer that you would like to apply for an IPO.
• A Welfare Officer will accompany you to the court to apply for an IPO.

• The PO prohibits the alleged perpetrator from committing domestic violence against the survivor. A provision prohibiting the alleged perpetrator from inciting a third person to commit domestic violence against the survivor may also be included.
• The PO may also contain one or more of the following orders:

1. Granting the survivor the right to exclusive occupation of the shared residence by excluding the perpetrator from it. This applies regardless of the ownership or lease status of the residence;
2. Prohibiting or restraining the perpetrator from:
   (1) Entering the survivor’s safe place, shelter, place of residence, shared residence or alternative residence; (2) Entering the survivor’s workplace or school; (3) Entering any other institution where the survivor is placed; (4) Going near the survivor at a distance of at least 50 metres or at a distance the court deems to be reasonable, or (5) Making personal contact with the survivor other than in the presence of an enforcement person or other persons specified in the order
3. Requiring the alleged perpetrator to permit the survivor to enter the shared residence, or to do so accompanied by an enforcement officer for the purpose of collecting the survivor’s personal belongings;
4. Requiring the alleged perpetrator to avoid communicating by any means with the survivor, and specifying the limited circumstances in which such communication is allowed;
5. Requiring the alleged perpetrator to permit the survivor to have continued use of a vehicle that has previously been ordinarily used by the survivor; and
6. The giving of any such direction as is necessary for the proper implementation of any of the orders mentioned above

• A PO provides protection to the survivor up to one year, and can be renewed/extended if the court is satisfied that it is necessary for the survivor’s personal safety.

• You can apply for a PO within 1 week after being notified by the police that your domestic violence case has been charged in court. 
• The PO can only be applied at court. A Welfare Officer from the Social Welfare Department (JKM) will accompany you to do so. Several documents will be brought along for this application, specifically a letter from JKM, a letter from the police confirming that your case has been charged in court, as well as a copy of your NRIC (MyKad) (and if applicable, a photocopy of your children’s birth certificate or NRIC).

• If the (alleged) perpetrator violates the EPO, IPO or PO, you should lodge a police report immediately.
• Contravention of the EPO, IPO or PO or any of its provisions shall be punishable with a fine up to RM2000 or imprisonment up to 6 months, or to both.
• If the contravention is with violence, the alleged perpetrator shall be liable to a fine up to RM4000 or imprisonment up to 1 year, or to both. Should the alleged perpetrator be convicted with such a violation for a second or subsequent time, they shall be liable with imprisonment from 3 days to 2 years and also a fine up to RM5000. 
• If a power of arrest is attached to an IPO or PO, the police can arrest the (alleged) perpetrator without a warrant for violating the IPO or PO.

• The Domestic Violence Act is read together with the Penal Code for prosecutions. 
• Relevant provisions of the Penal Code can include: 

1. Voluntarily causing hurt (Sections 321 and 323) – punishable with imprisonment up to 1 year, or with fine up to RM2000 or with both
2. Voluntarily causing hurt by dangerous weapons or means (Section 324) – punishable with imprisonment up to 10 years, or with fine, or with whipping, or with any 2 of such punishments. This excludes cases provided by Section 334.
3. Voluntarily causing grievous hurt (Sections 322 and 325) – punishable with imprisonment up to 7 years, and also liable to a fine. This excludes cases provided by Section 335.
4. Voluntarily causing grievous hurt by dangerous weapons or means (Section 326) – punishable with imprisonment up to 20 years, and also liable to a fine or whipping
5. Voluntarily causing hurt on provocation without intention or awareness of likelihood of causing such hurt (Section 334) – punishable with imprisonment up to 1 month, or with fine up to RM1000, or with both
6. Causing grievous hurt on provocation without intention or awareness of likelihood of causing such grievous hurt (Section 335) – punishable with imprisonment up to 4 years, or with fine up to RM4000, or with both

• According to Section 326A of the Penal Code, committal of offences under Sections 323, 324, 325, 326, 334 or 335 towards a spouse, formal spouse, child, incapacitated adult or other member of the family shall be punishable with imprisonment for a term that may extend to twice of the maximum term. For example, if a perpetrator is charged under Section 334 for causing hurt to a former spouse, they will be imprisoned up to 2 months, or with fine up to RM2000, or with both.

1. Reach out to women’s rights NGOs such as AWAM to discuss your case. AWAM provides free legal information and counselling services – you can contact the Telenita hotline at 016-2374221 or 016-2284221.

2. Go to the One-Stop Crisis Centre (OSCC) at your nearest government hospital.

• Go to the registry counter at the Emergency Department. You will be taken to the OSCC, which is a private room for medical examination and treatment. Aside from treatment for any injuries, the doctors there will also collect medical evidence, which can be used in court.
• There is also a police counter there.

• • You can inform the police officer there that you are a domestic violence survivor. You will then be given Form 59, which will be used by the doctor to record your injuries during the medical examination.
  • You can also lodge a police report at the police counter. You can get medical treatment without needing to make a police report.
• You can also access legal information, shelter and counselling services via the Social Welfare Officer or Medical Social Worker stationed there.
• Medical services are free of charge at the OSCC. You will need to bring along your original MyKad (NRIC) with you. 

3. Apply for an Emergency Protection Order (EPO) from the Social Welfare Department (JKM).

• You can apply for an EPO, if you need protection urgently or are not ready to lodge a police report but need protection.
• You can either call the 24-hour Talian Kasih (15999), or visit your nearest JKM office. If you are lodging a physical application at the JKM office, bring your original MyKad (NRIC) with you. 
• After a brief interview with a welfare officer and completion of relevant forms, an EPO will be issued to you within 24 hours. 
• You do not need a police report, Interim Protection Order (IPO) or Protection Order (PO) to apply for an EPO. 
• An EPO only lasts for one week and is non-renewable. The alleged perpetrator will be punished in the event of violating the EPO.

4. Lodge a police report at your nearest police station.

• You do not need your IC to lodge a police report.
• Your police report should contain the following details:

• • When did the incident occur?
  • Where did the incident occur?
  • What and how did the incident happen?
  • Who was involved in the incident?
  • Any physical, psychological or emotional impact(s)?
  • Why is the report being lodged – do you seek for further action to be taken (action report), or do you only intend for your case to be documented (case report)? 

• You can draft your report in advance. If you need guidance and support in drafting the report, reach out to AWAM at 016-2374221 or 016-2284221.
• The report can be made in Malay or English.
• You should receive a copy of the police report lodged. 
• If you are filing an action report: 
  • You will be referred to an Investigating Officer in the Sexual, Women and Child Investigations (D11) unit (Bahagian D11: Siasatan Seksual, Wanita dan Kanak-Kanak)
  • The IO will summon the alleged perpetrator for investigations and statement recording. This may occur on the same day as your report, or a different/subsequent day. The IO will submit the investigation papers to the Deputy Public Prosecutor (DPP), who will decide whether to charge the alleged perpetrator for the crime that they are accused of.
• You can also apply for an Interim Protection Order (IPO) by informing the Investigating Officer. 
  • You can include the names of your children or other family members whose safety might be threatened by the alleged perpetrator.
  • You will be given a referral letter confirming that your case is under police investigation.
  • Bring the referral letter to the Social Welfare Department (JKM) to apply for the IPO, along with your MyKad (NRIC), proof of marriage (Marriage Certificate or Sijil Nikah), children’s birth certificates/MyKad (NRIC), and government-issued medical report (if any).
  • The welfare officer at JKM will assist you in the application, and will set an appointment with you to go to the Magistrate’s Court to apply for the IPO. Upon issuance of the IPO, you will receive a copy of the IPO, and the same shall be served to the alleged perpetrator by the police within one week. You can request for the welfare officer to attach the power of arrest to the IPO. If the alleged perpetrator continues to harass you whilst the IPO is still valid, the IO can arrest them for violation. If harassment by the alleged perpetrator occurs when the validity period of the IPO lapses, you can still lodge another police report with the IO to take further action against the alleged perpetrator.The IPO will be valid only during police investigations – once these investigations end and court charges are pressed, you will need to apply for a Protection Order (PO). 

When With The Perpetrator

• There may be patterns to the perpetrator’s abuse or violent behaviour. Be aware of signs that show that the perpetrator is about to become violent – this will enable you to assess the level of danger of the situation for you and your children. If it looks like violence may take place, remove yourself and your children from the situation immediately, if possible
• Think of a few plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times during the day or night – this will allow you to have an excuse to get out, should you feel the violence being about to take place
• Lock up sharp and/or heavy objects (e.g., knives, hammers) or make them as difficult to retrieve as possible
• Figure out the ‘safe places’ in your home, where weapons are not kept. Try to avoid arguing in rooms with tile or hardwood floors such as kitchens or bathrooms, if possible
• During the violence, do not run to where the children are, as the perpetrator can hurt them
• If you cannot escape from the violence, make yourself a small target by going into a corner, curling up into a ball and having both arms around each side of your head with your face down
• Have a phone that is accessible at all times, or know where the nearest one is. Save or remember the following numbers:

1. 999
2. The number of your nearest police station
3. AWAM’s Telenita numbers: 016-2374221 or 016-2284221 (to prevent the perpetrator from recognising these numbers, save them using different names)
4. The number of a trusted family member or friend
5. Any taxi service or schedule for public transportation (train, bus etc)

• Let trusted friends and neighbours know about your situation and make a plan with them so that they know when you need help and what they can do. This can include visual or online signals
• Keep a copy of important papers with you – NRIC (MyKad), driving license, your children’s birth certificates or NRICs
• Practise how to get out safely, including with your children 
• If you have a car, reverse park it, and make sure that it is always at full tank with only the driver’s door unlocked. This allows you to make a quick escape. If you have children who will leave with you, you can consider keeping one door unlocked for them to use to enter the car, whilst keeping the remaining passenger doors locked
• If you do not have a car, consider creating a code word with a trusted person who has a car, which will signal to the person that you need to be picked up immediately 
• Call AWAM from time to time to discuss your options, even if you are not ready to leave. You can reach out to us at 016-2374221 or 016-2284221 via direct call, WhatsApp or Telegram

When Preparing to Leave the Perpetrator

• Make a plan for how you are going to leave, including the 2 to 3 places that you can go to, and how to cover your tracks. Make one plan for when you have time to prepare to leave the home, and another for when you have to leave in a hurry
• Make a plan on how you can take your children with you safely.
• Collect any evidence of physical abuse, if you can. Keep it in a safe place outside the home or share them (physically or online) with a trusted person or women’s rights NGO such as AWAM. Examples of evidence can include:

1. Photos of injuries or bruises. If possible, have these photos dated 
2. Photos of broken/damaged household objects or areas of the home by the perpetrator during the violence
3. Audio recordings or videos of the violence, or any threatening messages (written, audio) that the perpetrator sent you
4. Torn or bloody clothing 
5. Any records from doctors or police that document the abuse. Whenever you are injured, try to go to a doctor or the Emergency Department in a hospital as soon as possible. Whilst getting treated, inform them what happened, ask them to make a record of your visit and get a copy of it
6. Diary entries about your abuse

• Put together a bag of essentials. Hide it where it is easy for you to grab, or deposit it with a trusted person. Some things to include in the bag are: 

1. Copies of your NRIC (MyKad) and driving license, as well as your children’s birth certificates or NRICs
2. Spare keys to your house, car, workplace
3. Copies of any legal documents that you may have – insurance policies, marriage licenses, wills, protection orders (if applicable)
4. Money, bank book, ATM card, credit cards 
5. Clothes and shoes for you and your children
6. Any medication that you or your children usually take
7. Any evidence of abuse that you have collected
8. Phone numbers for trusted friends or family members, schools, nearest government hospitals and police stations, as well as AWAM’S Telenita helpline

• Try to set money aside weekly. Make sure to save an amount that does not raise the perpetrator’s suspicion and puts you in further danger
• Leave when the perpetrator least expects it 

After You Have Left the Perpetrator

• Create a false trail after you leave
• Think about:

1. Getting an Emergency Protection Order (EPO) from the Social Welfare Department (JKM)
2. Filing a police report against the perpetrator and applying for an Interim Protection Order (IPO)
3. Developing and practising a safety plan for your workplace, e.g., using different routes to go home
4. Changing the locks in your home
5. Be mindful of who you give your new address or contact details to
6. Informing teachers and babysitters the names of people who are allowed to pick your children up. If you have an IPO, give them a copy for their reference 
7. Avoiding any places (shops, banks etc) that you used to go with the perpetrator
8. Avoiding use of shared credit or debit cards or joint bank accounts – if the bank statement is sent to the perpetrator’s email or home address, they will be able to see the transactions that you have made

Safety Planning with Children

• How to support them

1. Let your children know that their first priority is to stay safe, and not to physically protect you
2. Let them know that the violence or abuse is not their fault 
3. Let your children know that you love and support them no matter what
4. Tell them that violence or abuse is never right
5. Explain to your children that you need to develop a plan for emergencies, because you want to make sure that they are safe 
6. Listen to them when they express their feelings without getting defensive. Be supportive even if they are not ready to talk about their feelings with you. Make a list with them of the trusted persons that they can reach out to to talk about their feelings 
7. Think of ways to help your children reduce stress and develop positive coping skills. This may include you looking for information and resources to help you understand your children’s feelings and behaviours better, or connecting your children to support groups or therapy
8. Explain to them what is going to or may happen, and follow through – this can help increase your children’s sense of safety and security

• Planning

1. If your children can leave the house safely on their own, discuss with them possible places where they can go to and what they would say or do when they get there
2. Decide on a code word that you can use with your children as a signal for them to leave the house and get help 
3. If your children are unable to leave the house on their own to get help, identify and let them know safe places within the house that they can go to, and to call 999 when violence is taking place. You can practise with them on how to call 999 and what to say. Also teach them how to protect themselves by being a small target, in the event that they are targeted by the perpetrator
4. Instruct them to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom and other areas where there are dangerous (or possibly dangerous) items

When Using the Internet

• Use strong passwords for your email and social media accounts that do not contain obvious information that the perpetrator can guess. Change them regularly. Do not write them down 
• Always log out of your email or social media accounts. Do not just close the browser
• Emails

1. Delete emails about you asking for help from your ‘Sent’ and ‘Trash’ folders
2. Make sure that your browser does not automatically save your email address and password
3. Do not open email attachments that you receive from the perpetrator, as they may allow them to instal spyware on your computer and track your emails

• Social Media 

1. Be mindful about the articles, pictures or status updates that you post that can indicate where you are at any point in time 
2. For any harassing or threatening images or content that you receive from the perpetrator, document them and reach out to AWAM for more information on the next steps that you can take
3. Make your social media accounts private
4. Avoid including personal or identifying information on your social media profile, such as birth date, address or full name

Source: https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/safety-tips/domestic-violence-victims/safety-abuser

Look Out For Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Below are some questions that you can answer to help gauge if your friend may be in an abusive relationship. If your answer is a yes to one or more of these questions, they may be warning signs of domestic violence. 

• Does the person have any unexplained injuries, bruises or cuts?
• Does it seem like the person cannot make any decisions without having consulted with their partner first? Do they look very worried about what may happen if they do not consult with their partner?
• Is the person seeing you and their other family members/friends less and less?
• Does it seem that the partner is jealous of your friend/loved one for no reason? Does your friend/loved one change how they act so that “they are not cheating”?
• Is your friend/loved one constantly accused by their partner of cheating with others?
• Do you feel that the person is doing whatever it takes to avoid getting into an argument or a fight with their partner? 
• Is your friend/loved one always justifying and making excuses for their partner’s actions?
• Does the person always receive phone calls or messages from their partner? Do they always have to tell their partner where they are or what they are doing? Is your friend/loved one afraid of missing phone calls or messages that they receive from their partner?  
• Is the person humiliated/insulted/criticised/belittled by their partner, publicly and/or privately?
• Is your friend/loved one forced to do things that they do not want to do?
• Is the person short of money to the extent that they cannot buy daily necessities for themselves and their children? 
• Is the person excluded from household financial decisions or made to take out loans or forced to file false financial claims (e.g., tax, insurance) by their partner?
• Has it been difficult for the person to get to work or go to university/school?
• Has your friend/loved one been receiving threatening or harassing pictures or messages from their partner?

Support Them  

Dos

• Listen to them. Let them know that domestic violence is not their fault
• Respect the survivor’s confidentiality. Keep their situation and whereabouts confidential – this will protect the survivor against the perpetrator 
• Ask them what they would like to do and respect their choices. 
• If the survivor is still within the abusive relationship, you can share with them what you know about safety planning, so that they can develop a safety plan for themselves and their children
• If you are unsure on how to support the survivor, you can reach out to AWAM’s Telenita helpline at 016-2374221 or 016-2284221 via direct call, Telegram or WhatsApp
• Offer the person use of your address and/or mobile number to leave information and messages, or to look after their emergency bag of essentials   
• Take care of yourself. Processing and receiving support for your emotions is also equally important

Don’ts

• Do not ask questions such as ‘What did you do?’ or ‘Why did you act/say this way?’ that put the blame and responsibility on the survivor
• Do not suggest to the survivor that they should forgive or reconcile with the perpetrator
• Do not judge them for staying in the relationship
• Do not force the survivor to leave the abusive relationship or house immediately
• Do not confront the perpetrator, for your and the survivor’s safety